Wednesday, October 27, 2010

No one ever said life was easy.

If you know me, you know how I like to be upbeat, smile, laugh.  So I apologize for this blog.  This is just a look in to my life and how I'm personally going through it.

As most of you know, my husband is dealing with a set of bad kidneys and waiting on a transplant.  He's currently doing home treatments with peritoneal dialysis, and has been for the past 2.5 years.  We've learned to adjust to this lifestyle.  We've just learned now that this form of dialysis isn't working anymore, and he needs to switch to hemodialysis.  One surgery is this Friday, and two surgeries are Tuesday, and there's another one that we need to schedule after that.  Without going in to details, hemodialysis is going to dramatically change our lifestyles, once again. 

I can't speak for Bryan, so this is how I feel.
It breaks my heart to watch him going through this.  As his wife, I would love nothing more to be able to take it all away for him.  My mind goes and goes and goes, trying to think of some kind of solution to this newest problem.  It's a lot of stress on a person, and on a marriage.  Lately, in the past month, I've felt a boost and feel closer to my husband than in past months.  It must have been God preparing us for this bump in the road.  Bryan is incredibly strong, and such a great person with a tremendous heart.  He's the last person to deserve this.
Having to go through this at a young age, a fairly new marriage, is very hard.  Not having my family near makes things harder for me.  This is no offense to my friends and inlaws that are here.  Sometimes there's just nothing like a mom's hug.  There are times I want to break down because I feel so helpless.  I want to scream that life isn't fair.  I don't understand why this is happenening to him.. to us.  But I do trust that God knows what he's doing, and we are well secured in his arms.  One day Bryan will get the transplant he needs.

If you are a client of mine, I don't want you to think that I'm unhappy when I'm at your wedding or taking your pictures at another event.  Because, really, I'm truly happy to be there.  My smile and laughs aren't fake.  I love my job, and I love my clients.  I wouldn't rather be anywhere else than working with you.

With all that being said, I'm a little behind on my work.  I'll soon be sharing pictures from Lisa and Dan Rigg's wedding.  Thank you to all of my clients who have been so paitent with me.  I know waiting to see your wedding pictures is hard, and 2 weeks seems like an eternity.  I really have the best clients ever.

And thank you to all of my family and friends who have been praying and thinking about us.  You have no idea how much it means to me.
Thank you Ken for reminding me of this verse.


"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jessica,
You encourage me in so many ways every day. God, has a plan and knows what he is doing, even if we dont like it. I will never understand why Beau had to die, but I realize now that if I would have still been with him when he died, I wouldn't have made it. Soooo again I say everything happens for a reason. You have tons of friends that care for you. Thanks for being there for everyone as well. Love you.
Kristin Bradley

tustian said...

Hang in there kiddo! You know you are in our prayers and you have seen how God has healed Al ... twice now. Keep believing in Him and looking up. We are here if you need us, just call.....or if you need that Mom hug. Love you!
Tammy

Lola_P said...

Jessica-
Sending you hugs and many prayers for you and your husband. Our Heavenly Father will never give you more than you can handle. Please stay strong.

God Bless

Lawauna

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you and Bryan. Praying for his health, a new set of kidneys, your marriage but most of all praying that you feel God's hand holding yours in all of your times of trouble and sorrow. I love your honesty and your sincerety. "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we proffess, for he who promised is faithful." God Bless you and Bryan.

Lauren M. said...

Jessica,

Jesus said, "Cast your burdens and cares upon me—and I will sustain you." Continue to keep your faith and strength. Every marriage has their trials, some harder than others. But for two wonderful people, I can't imagine that God would do this to you without reason.

I know it's not quite the same as your situation, but a Marine Chaplain told me a story one time that I've really taken to heart. Back before he was a chaplain he was an infantryman and was given an assignment overseas that would take him away from his family for more than a year. His wife couldnt go and right before he left he found out she was pregnant with their first child. He missed everything. Her pregnancy, the birth and half the first year of his childs life. He said it was hard and he was miserable and he hated it. He had a baby that he'd never met and he was stuck. But he eventually came back, earned his commission and became a chaplain. Later on in his career he was sent back overseas on a similar assignment, but his wife accompanied him this time with the rest of the family. He said there was people there that were in the same situation he had been in when he was first seperated from his wife. He said they were miserable and a lot of them had a hard time dealing with it and didn't know how they would get by having literally no family or friends from home. But he said his previous experience taught him the lesson that he needed to learn to be able to pass it on to them. And tell them yes you can do it, I have. And guide them through it.

God wouldnt give you anything you werent capable of handling. It is hard, but maybe youre not learning it for yourself. Maybe you're learning it for someone else. So that when their time comes you can tell them, "I've done it. I know." Its the only way I've been able to handle being seperated from Tyler for over a year. It felt like it would never get here. So just keep your chin up and know that we're all praying for you. It's going to be ok!

Love you!!

Lauren M.

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